Essay: Why I'm So Conscious of Being Gay

written by Warren J. Blumenfeld, Iowa State University

I was [once] asked something like, why am I still so conscious of being gay, and why am I still doing the work, when a friend of mine – someone with whom I marched with in the early 1970s in the Gay Liberation Front years – doesn’t understand why I am still fighting the good fight?

I am still so very conscious of being gay because still today my own students come to me with pain on their faces and tears in their eyes after they come out to their parents, and their parents either disown them, cut them off of financial support for college, or place them in “Reparative” or Christian therapy to “take them out of the ‘gay lifestyle.’”

I am still so very conscious of being gay because politicians continue to scapegoat us for their own fundraising and recruitment purposes while spreading lies about who we really are.

I am still so very conscious of being gay because we are not allowed to openly serve our country in the military.

I am still so very conscious of being gay because I am not allowed to donate blood because I have had sex with another man since 1977, even though I am not infected with any communicable disease.

I am still so very conscious of being gay because same-sex couples still continue to be denied the rights and benefits on par with different-sex couples in most states in the United States and in most nations of the world.

I am still so very conscious of being gay because some religious denominations still brand us as “sinners,” as an “abomination,” and as “immoral.”

I am still so very conscious of being gay because some members of the psychiatric profession still consider us as mentally or emotionally ill.

I am still so very conscious of being gay because many still equate “homosexuality” with “pedophilia.”

I am still so very conscious of being gay because images in the media still either depict us in stereotypical or evil ways or don’t acknowledge us at all.

I am still so very conscious of being gay because still my comrades are humiliated, bullied, attacked, and killed for simply being themselves.

I am still so very conscious of being gay because I and many LGBT people still live in a world and a society that teaches us to hide and to hate ourselves, and we have internalized those messages all too well.

I am still so very conscious of being gay because our youth are still 2-3 times more likely to attempt and complete suicide than their heterosexual counterparts.

I will stop being conscious of being gay and stop fighting the good fight when homophobia/heterosexism are no longer problems, and when labels are placed on jars on not on people when they perform their gender differently from the mainstream.

I still believe that we are all born into a great pollution called “homophobia” (one among many forms of oppression), which falls on us like acid rain. For some people spirits are tarnished to the core, others are marred on the surface, and no one is completely protected. But neither are we to blame. We all had no control over the formulation of this pollution, nor did we direct it to pour down upon us. On the other hand, we all have a responsibility, indeed an opportunity, to join together to construct shelter from the corrosive effects of oppression while working to clean up the homophobic environment in which we live. Once sufficient steps are taken to reduce this pollution, we will all breathe a lot easier.

Until that day finally arrives, I’ll be there fighting the good fight as long as my heart keeps pumping and my brain keep functioning. I am proud and happy that I still have the passion to continue the fight when so many of my contemporaries have long since lost their passion.

Warren J. Blumenfeld, Ed.D., is Assistant Professor in the Department of Curriculum and Instruction at Iowa State University in Ames, Iowa specializing in Multicultural and International Curriculum Studies; & Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Studies. He is Co-Editor with Khyati Y. Joshi and Ellen E. Fairchild of Investigating Christian Privilege and Religious Oppression in the United States; Editor of Homophobia: How We All Pay the Price; Co-author, with Diane Raymond, of Looking at Gay and Lesbian Life; Co-editor of Readings for Diversity and Social Justice; Co-editor with Margaret Soenser Breen of Butler Matters: Judith Butlers Impact on Feminist and Queer Studies.