Let me be Queer

i have had a very enlightening weekend.  this is the exciting part of being who i am, learning every day a little bit more about myself as i interact with the worlds around me.  i never quite realized just how unique my perspective is until i learned that the way i do things is apparently foreign to everyone.  today i learned that i have been doing queer ‘wrong’.  this is a new concept to me, for i thought that being queer meant not listening to what society tells us is ‘right’ and figuring it out for ourselves.  i thought queer meant making your own rules.  apparently, i was mistaken.  this is amusing to me.

allow me to elaborate.  in Heteroworld, when you start dating someone and you feel that they are a candidate for a long term commitment, you tend to take things pretty slowly.  this means you go out on dates, you talk, you listen, you learn, then you kiss, you cuddle, you talk, listen, learn, rinse and repeat.  after a suitable amount of time, generally a month or two, maybe you become intimate.  when this happens, it happens slowly, gently, maybe a bit timidly.  the key is slowly and only as you are comfortable enough with each other emotionally to know that when you are completely open and vulnerable, the other will not take advantage of this to wound you.

on the other hand, Heteroworld has other types of sexual relationships that are performed a little differently.  if you start dating someone and they are a ton of fun but you don’t connect on that deeper level right away, you are free to speed things up and condense the above time line.  sex is safe because its all about the fun in this type of relationship.  so you go out, you play, you flirt, you tease, you tumble.  after a time, you either move on to the more serious relationship or you don’t and its no big deal.  either way, you had a good time.

i thought that this was also the way things work in the LGBT community.  apparently, i was wrong.  this explains why all of the girls that i dated were so insecure in our relationship.  when i didn’t take them to bed right away, they tended to freak out then run away.  i thought that we would date, we would get to know each other, get to like each other and THEN become intimate.  today i learned that it kind of works the opposite way.  you meet, you flirt, you fuck, then you date.  otherwise you don’t know if you’re dating or not.  after all, two girls hanging out getting to know each other over dinner are friends.  you’re only lovers after the deed is done so you better do it fast or you might not know if you actually like each other.  this explains everything.

fortunately for me, i am secure in my queerness.  so secure, in fact, that living my life by the norms of hetero society where i get to take the time to trust my lover before becoming vulnerable to them is not going to make me feel like i don’t belong in LGBT-town. instead of conforming to the stringent unwritten rules of the non-conformists, i am going to do queer my way.  i am going to define my relationship based on how i feel and how my partner feels.  i am not going to bend to the pressure to do queer ‘right’.  i am not going to be guilted into feeling less queer because i decided that what is right for me, what is right for us, is different that what is right for our friends.  to me, this is what queering my mind is all about.  i’m going to queer out all of the nonsense that other people have tried to force me to live by because it’s comfortable for them.

personally, i’m thanking the gods that i was socialized straight in a queer world.  it gives me a perspective that allows me to find out who i really am and live my life the way i want to live it.  i get to be extra queer, even to my queer peers.  you might even say that living a more traditionally ‘hetero’ style life makes me the queerest of them all.