Opinion: So You Don’t Wanna Be Gay Anymore? Now What?

LGBT, Opinion — By Speak Equal on June 23, 2009 at 10:00 pm

The Miller-Jenkins Family

The Miller-Jenkins Family

Earlier today, I was busy watching the news, and working the blog (stopping frequently for video game time, of course), when I came across an article on Lisa Miller, a Virginia woman who’s been actively battling to deny her ex-partner child visitation rights since their split. Janet Jenkins and Lisa Miller married in Vermont back in 2000, but Miller later “renounced her homosexuality” and hence the child visitation battle.

Of course, I know there are two sides to every story, so I quickly fired up the ole’ Google machine and began digging around to see what I could find. (Side Note: Remember the days when research had to be done in libraries on those micro-fiche machines?)

My research first led me to a lengthy article written back in 2007 and published in the Washington Post. It seems Janet Jenkins, a well-established and comfortably “out” lesbian entered into a relationship with Lisa Miller, a young woman with barely a nickel to her name who wasn’t at all “out,” and, in fact, wasn’t even sure is she was a lesbian, but knew that she simply enjoyed the safety and “companionship” she found in same-sex relationships. She said she felt like she was “a part of something.”

In 1997, Jenkins and Miller met at an AA meeting. They were together for years. They ran their household together, they had joint finances, Janet was the primary provider, while Lisa loved to cook, bake, and dreamed of one day being a stay at home mom. In 2000, shortly after Vermont became the first state in the U.S. to pass its civil unions law, Jenkins and Miller traveled to Vermont from Virginia and registered as partners in a civil union. In 2002, the couple had a child, Isabella Miller-Jenkins, and later that year, relocated to Vermont.

In 2003, after several failed attempts at having a second child, Miller began to feel that her relationship with Jenkins was falling apart. She eventually made the decision to move back to Virginia with Isabella and one of their three cats. Jenkins later testified that she viewed the separation as temporary while the couple worked through some of their differences, while Miller testified that Jenkins gave her a deadline to move out of the house. During this time Jenkins was allowed regular visitation and paid several hundred dollars a month in child support. Also, during this time that Miller began going to a strict, conservative church, and questioning whether or not she was “really gay.” Miller filed a motion in a Virginia court to dissolve their civil union, and thus we have the beginnings of what is now one of the ugliest, most ideologically charged custody battles our country has probably ever seen.

After reading several articles on the issue, it seems Miller, whom has the support of several anti-gay, so-called ex-gay organizations (including The Protect Isabella Coalition, is attempting to argue the point of whether or not Janet Jenkins is a rightful parent, allowed all the same rights and responsibilities over Isabella that she has. Miller seemingly has yet to adhere to court ordered visitation schedules allowing Jenkins the opportunity to see Isabelle. An article onLife-Site news states, “Miller, 40, says she decided to discontinue the court-ordered visitations following accounts by her six-year-old daughter, Isabella, of being forced to bathe naked with Jenkins, 44. Miller also reports that her daughter expressed the desire to commit suicide, and experienced other disturbing behavioral changes following visits with Jenkins.”

Years into this battle, what we have is an estranged couple, an ass-deep ideological mire, and a child suffering through the struggles of a single-parent home. The US Supreme Court refused to hear the case back in 2007, letting stand a Virginia court order that Miller adhere to the Vermont ruling allowing Jenkins unsupervised visitation rights. In January of this year, a Vermont Family Court judge ruled that Jenkins must be given five weeks of custody in the summer and warned Miller that if she did not comply she risks losing custody of the girl. At this point, both the Vermont Family Court, as well as the Virgina Supreme court, which has cited the federal Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act as a foundation for their ruling, have all stated that Janet Jenkins is indeed a rightful parent, deserving of visitation rights.

Today, the Virginia Supreme Court has unanimously ruled to uphold rulings allowing Janet Jenkins visitation rights with Isabella. Who knows whether or not Lisa Miller will attempt to file yet another dramatic appeal. Who knows whether or not Isabella will be reunited with Janet Jenkins and allowed to know her other parent. Who knows whether or not Jenkins will be allowed the pleasure of taking her child into her arms.

My question: How much of this is fueled by Lisa Miller’s inability to confront her homosexuality as she is now attempting to live her life as an “ex-lesbian?” In addition, what damage has been done to this young child whose been made a poster child for anti-gay, anti-gay parenting groups and organizations? What will life be like for an adult Isabella should she discover she is indeed a lesbian?

Tags: , , , , , ,
  • http://vyzion360.com vyzion360

    Personally, reading up on this made me want to vomit … what a selfish thing for this woman to do. My heart goes out to the poor child caught in the middle and utilized as a media tool for the pro-discrimination, anti-gay, hate-based groups’ agendas … I feel bad for Janet Jenkins … and honestly, I feel bad for all the disillusioned “Lisa Millers” out there that seem to be under the impression that gender and sexuality are switches that can turned on and off …

  • http://glennishamorgan.wordpress.com Glennisha Morgan

    WOW! I really feel bad mostly for the child. And for Janet as well. Most of all Lisa needs to be thinking about their child. Although sexuality is fluid like Vyzion360 said it definitely is not something that can just be turned on and off like a light switch. It just sounds like Lisa let herself get caught up on whatever that church was feeding her and the whole religious anti-homosexuality…bull…I hope she puts the koolaid cup down and come back to her senses!

  • http://vyzion360.com vyzion360

    Yeah, I definitely wish the best for Isabella and Janet. I also really hope that Lisa can come to terms with herself and her life choices and begin to see things outside of the scope of her own personal comfort.

  • http://studwithswag.com knowledge

    I’ve been following this story for as long as I can remember first hearing about it. It is heartwrenching to know that a mother who has done everything right is being denied something precious and wonderous out of disillusioned spite. Every child has a right to happiness and no loving, willing parent should ever be denied especially with the law on their side. I will continue to follow this story, thanks for sharing this.

  • http://vyzion360.com vyzion360

    I couldn’t agree more. I think what shocked me about this story is the fact that Janet seems to be perfectly capable and willing to provide care for her daughter. As far as I could see there were no cases of drug or substance abuse involved, there seemed to be no cases of child or spousal abuse, no reported cases of any federal or state violations. I mean, other than Lisa’s accusations, there is no legal/official evidence of anything having gone awry.

    It’s sad. I, too will continue to follow and report developments on this. I think it’s important that this type of ignorance and wrongdoing is continually exposed.

  • Michael

    Hey, have you seen this news article?
    New details about Michael Jackson’s Death Emerge
    I was wondering if you were going to blog about this…

  • Phagan13

    It would seem that most of the posters have conveniently overlooked that fact that the child was made to feel uncomfortable and suicidal after being forced to bath naked with a women whe barely knew and had no biological connection to. Say what you will about Jenkins being a “parent”, Isabella did not know her. Why would Jenkins presume to take things so far with this child?

    But, as usual, the child’s feelings are of little consequence to the over-riding agenda to make gay people feel good about themselves. it is disgusting that most of you seem to be overjoyed that a helpless child will be stripped from her only biological parent. Can’t any of you remember being a child? How would you feel being handed over to a virtual stranger, taken to a new city with no contact with your biological mother, grandmother, cousins, aunts, etc.? How on earth could this possibly be in the best interest of the child?

  • Concerned

    Good post, Phagan13! Finally, someone willing to consider what may make a mother want to protect her child. Unbelievable what this judge in Vermont has done. How very sad.

  • krissy

    That evangelical church is hiding her. Shes with the cult. Why would she have a kid with someone if she didnt think she was “really gay?” this is why i think she ws brainwashed after the fact. They heaped on the hell guilt and she cracked.

  • http://speakequal.com Brooke Murphy

    Yeah … I’m really worried at this point for both her safety, and the safety of this kid … I’m hoping the child doesn’t resurface some years from now after having spent years in some underground network of militants and crazies, having suffered irreparable mental, emotional, and possibly physical damage …

  • Bruce

    Maybe she (Lisa Miller) was not gay to begin with, maybe was just looking for love and friendship or just straight up confused. According to different articles Lisa Miller was abused as a child, had a mentally ill mother and an alcoholic during her time with her ex-husband. It is easy for a person like that to be manipulated. Isabella is not the first child to disappear with a non-custodial parent during a custody fight and she is not going to be the last.

  • BlakeKirkpatrick

    Visitation rights allow the non-custodial parent (the person without child custody) time to spend with their child custody issues
    A common arrangement is that one parent gets custody of the child and the other parent is given visitation rights.

  • Anonymous

    Visitation rights allow the non-custodial parent (the person without child custody) time to spend with their child custody issues
    A common arrangement is that one parent gets custody of the child and the other parent is given visitation rights.

blog comments powered by Disqus

Switch to our mobile site