The 10 Commandments of Good Love

1. Friendship
This may seem obvious, but it’s important to like the man you’re with and to enjoy spending time with each other. The two of you share a special and meaningful camaraderie that is unique only to you and you have a solid foundation built for intimacy and sharing.

2. Respect
You honor and celebrate your guy for who he is, not who you want him to be, and treat him with dignity and admiration.

3. Companionship
The two of you have compatible interests and you can share these experiences to enrich your relationship and build a history. You have the ability to play with each other and also have your own separate pursuits that diversify your identities, which only serves to benefit your relationship.

4. Shared Values
The most successful couples have a shared value system and philosophies of life. This is perhaps the #1 cause of many conflicts in a relationship when the partners don’t share similar visions and often times leads to break-ups due to the “deal-breaker” nature of such beliefs and stances on issues. Discover each other’s values VERY early on in your dating to avoid becoming too emotionally invested should a serious discrepancy emerge later on down the road.

5. Trust
Without this element, there is no relationship. To be a couple requires both men to be vulnerable, open, loyal, and committed to honesty. A climate of safety must be established and evolves slowly over time with each experience and behavioral action. Making sure you do what you say you’re going to do consistently is a hallmark of integrity.

6. Communication
You must be able to openly dialogue about your thoughts and feelings and also be able to listen to each other non-defensively and without judgment.

7. Good Conflict Resolution Skills
This requires you both to be able to mange anger and conflict appropriately without lashing out and learning how to compromise and problem-solve dilemmas that will inevitably emerge in the relationship. Developing a collaborative “teamwork” approach to challenges is essential, as is learning to how to deal with stalemates and respecting each other’s differences and perspectives.

8. Affection & Sexual Passion
A healthy intimacy fueled with passion, desire, and attraction keeps the spark alive in a long-term relationship. Creativity, variety, and spontaneity are all important in manifesting continued captivation and intrigue. Nonsexual affection is also critically vital.

9. Compatible Levels of ‘Outness’ and Gay Pride
Men with similar comfort levels with their sexual orientation tend to fare better (two closeted men and two “out” men as opposed to a variation of these themes) overall due to the shared understandings of those lifestyles. Couples with greater pride in being gay also tend to enjoy in most cases higher satisfaction levels due to the ability to be uninhibited and free with their partnership in all settings.

10. Sound Mental Health & Well-Being
Men who are devoted to personal growth and are motivated to stay healthy physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually, and spiritually are in great positions for solid relationship potential. This entails healing emotional wounds from the past, completing unfinished baggage from the past, building a solid self-esteem, cultivating a positive relationship with their sexual identity and masculinity, and developing resilience to life’s challenges. These men are open and available for men free from unsettling distractions.

There are of course many more characteristics that go into crafting a healthy relationship, but by keeping these foundational elements in the back of your mind as you’re building rapport and friendship with a dating prospect, you’ll be able to use these as an additional screening tool toward selecting the best potential Mr. Right for yourself. Enjoy the process!

[READ MORE FROM THE GAY LOVE COACH]